Writing about love stories, soup recipes, and my kids, while it be very mushy, it's not all that I am.
I am a firm believer in a man that changed the world.
He did a lot in His life, but most importantly, he died.
...And then came back.
Pop culture has created plenty of alarming movies regarding resurrections, but this is not one of those stories.
In fact those stories completely freak me out.
This one doesn't.
Step back in time with me...
Imagine for a moment, the feel of hot earth, underneath your foot. The sandals, unlike what we wear now (Chacos for me), get hot as the Sun beats down on the straps. Causing your feet to ache, dry out, and crack. Keep walking.
Smell how refreshing the water must've been. Along a bank of a rushing river, as you dip your fingers in the cool current, it causes your body to perk up.
I'm thirsty, you think.
So you scoop up the chilly liquid, and allow your lips to cool, as you draw the water in. Your body, now cooling from the inside, thanks you.
You can hear a constant noise. Markets up and running. People talking, bartering, shouting, sometimes arguing. Soak it all in.
You hear the words "Hosanna!" being chanted from inside the city walls. Beckoning all who are near, to come see what everyone is cheering about.
You allow your feet to move you towards the noise. The energy is electrifying as crowds are pushing to follow this chant.
Hosanna!
Your eyes shift to focus on the image before you. A man.
His smile is kind. As are His eyes.
There is a safety that you can't explain, you just feel it.
You probably think life can't get any better.
And then, like a brutal slap to the face, here you stand.
Your whole world is silent. Deafening, really. It feels as though you're holding your hands over your ears, but the silence still creeps in. Your mind is reeling. You allow your memory to trail back to the cool water, filling you up. But now? You feel as dry as the earth you stand on. But the thought of water makes your stomach churn.
I'm thirsty, your body screams.
Be quiet, you think.
I need water.
No, I need to suffer.
The battle between your head, and heart is constant, as your eyes continue to photograph each memory before you, and stores it up in the filing cabinets in your brain. As you blink, you can almost hear the "click" of a camera, while your body continues to watch.
This man.
Click.
Laughter.
Click.
Hosanna!
Click.
Son of God!
Click.
Traitor.
Click.
False prophet.
Click.
LIAR!
Click.
Drag him to the leaders!
Click.
He's done nothing wrong!
Click.
We don't care!
Click.
All these images crowding your brain in the span of a few short days. And then, like a drumstick to a metal bell, the words clang out:
Crucify him!
The beatings.
Click.
The laughter.
Click.
The blood.
Click.
At this point, you can feel the acidic liquid trying to escape your throat, as you watch. Your body, trying to relieve the pain inside, dry heaves. You swallow hard, and allow hot tears to fall from your eyes. You don't even bother wiping them away.
And then you see the guard, raise up the hammer, and your world goes into slow motion. His face grimacing, as he uses his full body weight to raise up this hammer. A groan, from the depths of his stomach escapes, as he has built up momentum, and is now coming back down, to hit his target.
You whole body jumps, at the sound of the hammer connecting with the nail. You close your eyes, as the hot acid tries escaping your mouth. You beg your mind to go back to the water. The riverside. The cool refreshing breeze.
Was it a lie?
YES! Your mind screams.
But I thought this man was going to save us?
HE'S JUST A MAN. How can a man save you?
But the water? The faith? Hosanna?
IT'S ALL A LIE. You're a fool for believing it!
Your mind wars with itself.
Please, God. Let it not be a lie.
Hush. He can't hear you.
At this point, you're sobbing.
Your eyes keep opening to see if what you're looking at, is real.
God? Are you there? I can't feel You!
That's because He's not REAL.
I thought you loved me?
He's not real!
I thought this man was going to save us?
HE'S JUST A MAN.
If you really loved us, God, You wouldn't allow this to happen!
That's right!
I can't watch this anymore. I trusted You! I felt PEACE when I was with this man! WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
He's gone. He wasn't ever really here. You believed a LIE.
You turn to walk away.
As the sound of the hammer continues to drive the nails, you allow your head to turn back, to look at this man.
He's bleeding profusely. Writhing in pain, as the nail goes through His hands and feet.
He's just a man. Dying a sinners death.
Hot tears fall, and this time, you push them away.
Don't cry over a man, you fool.
For a moment, your heart aches.
I trusted you. But you, God, have betrayed me.
And as the men heave the cross up, you turn to walk away. The sound of your sandals hitting the earth matches the sound of the cross falling into the hole in the ground with a thud.
You walk back down the mountain, and perch yourself on a large rock. You can no longer see the cross, but you can hear the noises.
People wailing.
Guards laughing, and heckling for the mans items.
And then you hear His voice.
"My God! Why have you left me?"
And you keep your eyes closed tightly, and are startled when you feel the first drop.
Water.
Another drop.
You allow your eyes to open, and see the darkest sky you've ever seen, as rain falls.
"It is finished."
Your head snaps in the direction of the cross. The mans body is now slumped over.
He's dead.
A guard walks up, draws his spear, and stabs his side. Blood and water gush out.
Hot tears roll down your cheeks again, but this time, in anger.
How could I have been so dumb to believe in this man? He's just a man.
You get up, and go home.
Sleep eludes you at night, as you toss and turn. Remembering that feeling you had when you were with Him. You felt warm inside, and cooled and refreshed on the outside.
You wake up from another nightmare, and are dripping in sweat. Now, you're cold on the inside, heart hardened, and you're body is radiating heat.
I'm such a fool for believing.
You wander, throughout your day, as if you're in a trance. You can hear people talking, and you feel yourself responding, but your whole body is on auto pilot.
Your feet move, but in a blink, your day is over, again.
And again, you toss and turn at night.
LEAVE ME ALONE, GOD!
Your body screams, as you try to sleep.
And then, you feel it.
You're alone.
• • • • •
What do you do if you've lost your faith?
If you start second-guessing everything that you've ever known, and felt?
Everything that you once turned from, now is enticing. It sends electricity through your body, making you feel something.
The better it feels, the more you feel yourself pulling away from reality.
That's the deceptive beauty of sin.
It wraps it's arms around you, and causes you to look back, at a God that now disgusts you.
Thoughts flood your mind.
If he loved me, why would he allow sin?
Why wouldn't this feel bad, instead of good?
Is it really that bad?
Does he really even care?
If you start second-guessing everything that you've ever known, and felt?
Everything that you once turned from, now is enticing. It sends electricity through your body, making you feel something.
The better it feels, the more you feel yourself pulling away from reality.
That's the deceptive beauty of sin.
It wraps it's arms around you, and causes you to look back, at a God that now disgusts you.
Thoughts flood your mind.
If he loved me, why would he allow sin?
Why wouldn't this feel bad, instead of good?
Is it really that bad?
Does he really even care?
And in the same split second it took for your heart to be on fire for a God that is real, that's the same amount of time it took for you to decide:
I. am. done.
Done with the songs, the joy, the feelings. I'm done.
Then your frustration continues to fill your mind with questions:
Why won't you fight for me, God?
If you really love me, you would be here.
Maybe this is all a lie.
This, however, is not a blog that allows people to wallow. The reason I have created a banner across the top that reads: Choose Joy, is because that's what it's all about.
A Choice.
Everything in life revolves around a choice. You have to make it.
That's all it's ever been about.
And you know it.
Here's the problem with how we've viewed our relationship with God: If we don't feel it, it's not real.
Unfortunately, this is a devastating blow to our ego, when we stop feeling Him.
But, I can say this with great confidence:
Your feelings about God have nothing to do with whether or not He is real.
The ending of that story, wasn't the end.
He died. A gruesome, painful, ugly death.
And then there is that tiny 3 letter word that is the catalyst for greatness:
But,
He came back to life.
If you've never heard this story, your mind is probably freaking out. But it's true. That man died, and 3 days later, he wasn't in the grave where they buried him.
Now let me pause, for a moment.
A brief side-note, in an epic story. The news that this man was no longer buried was delivered by a
woman.
One woman tore through the streets of her city.
Her hot sandals pushed her farther. Her lungs burned, as she tried to draw in a deep breath. It was pointless. She was running too fast. She didn't care what she looked like, she ran.
She ran down the mountain, sliding, allowing her feet to go the way they knew. Once she hit level ground, she took off in a dead sprint to the home she was familiar with. The entire city, in a trance, over one man's death, suddenly saw this woman running. She didn't care who watched, what she bumped into, she didn't stop.
She marched.
She marched towards unbelief, and ran. it. over.
She bursted into the door of a house full of disciples. These men had been great leaders, and were now HIDING. Afraid of what the soldiers would think, if they found out these men believed in the man that just died.
She told them about the God that they believed in. How He was alive.
The entire catalyst of the greatest story ever told, was a woman. Her word is what caused the bridge of disbelief to be destroyed. She didn't just go with what she felt, she went with what she knew in the depths of her soul, to be true. Her faith.
AND THEN SHE RAN.
She destroyed the enemy's schemes. The lies, unbelief, and fear that filled these men's hearts. She destroyed it all, like the rush of a mighty wind, blowing through that door.
She ran towards the unbelief!
Instead of playing it safe, and letting her emotions take over, she took those emotions, and bridled them into fuel. Fuel that made her run, and knock the enemy flat on his back.
Then it happened.
Like a dying flower, receiving it's first drop of water, these men perked up, one by one. Some required more belief, than others. So, the Man just showed up... Showed them where the nails had torn through his flesh and muscles.
He was alive.
Every feeling these men had about this Man came flooding back.
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self-Control.
Because, instead of basing this Man's existence on what they felt, they allowed their faith to take over. They believed.
And the fire that had grown cold, had the tiniest embers, that that Man ignited.
That's all He ever asks for. Faith tinier than a piece of dirt. Even that small of an amount, is enough for Him to breathe life back into, adding kindling, fueling the growing fire inside of you.
Until one day, you run again.
You trample the enemy's lies about you. You trample your disbelief, in a very real God. You feel like your lungs and heart will explode with the excitement that wells up in you, as you run.
If you're in the threshold of unbelief. I dare you to turn around. Ask God to show you that He's real. Ask Him to re-ignite your soul. Like jumper cables to a dead battery, or paddles to a dead body, all it takes is a spark. Then there is life again.
Belief.
Fear in God, not fear that your faith isn't real.
Trust.
...and finally...
Love, again.
Resurrected from the depths of your soul. You walk away from the grave you've buried yourself in. Shackled in sin, dying, bleeding out, in unbelief.
You get up, slowly, marching, at first.
Then, in unabandoned love,
....you run.
Keep marching.
Men, walk away from fear.
Women, walk away from letting your emotions run wild.
Instead, run away from fear, to a fear of a Holy God, rise up to the leadership that God gave you.
Run away from insane emotions, to emotions that capture the amazing power of God's love.
Just run.
I. am. done.
Done with the songs, the joy, the feelings. I'm done.
Then your frustration continues to fill your mind with questions:
Why won't you fight for me, God?
If you really love me, you would be here.
Maybe this is all a lie.
This, however, is not a blog that allows people to wallow. The reason I have created a banner across the top that reads: Choose Joy, is because that's what it's all about.
A Choice.
Everything in life revolves around a choice. You have to make it.
That's all it's ever been about.
And you know it.
Here's the problem with how we've viewed our relationship with God: If we don't feel it, it's not real.
Unfortunately, this is a devastating blow to our ego, when we stop feeling Him.
But, I can say this with great confidence:
Your feelings about God have nothing to do with whether or not He is real.
The ending of that story, wasn't the end.
He died. A gruesome, painful, ugly death.
And then there is that tiny 3 letter word that is the catalyst for greatness:
But,
He came back to life.
If you've never heard this story, your mind is probably freaking out. But it's true. That man died, and 3 days later, he wasn't in the grave where they buried him.
Now let me pause, for a moment.
A brief side-note, in an epic story. The news that this man was no longer buried was delivered by a
woman.
One woman tore through the streets of her city.
Her hot sandals pushed her farther. Her lungs burned, as she tried to draw in a deep breath. It was pointless. She was running too fast. She didn't care what she looked like, she ran.
She ran down the mountain, sliding, allowing her feet to go the way they knew. Once she hit level ground, she took off in a dead sprint to the home she was familiar with. The entire city, in a trance, over one man's death, suddenly saw this woman running. She didn't care who watched, what she bumped into, she didn't stop.
She marched.
She marched towards unbelief, and ran. it. over.
She bursted into the door of a house full of disciples. These men had been great leaders, and were now HIDING. Afraid of what the soldiers would think, if they found out these men believed in the man that just died.
She told them about the God that they believed in. How He was alive.
The entire catalyst of the greatest story ever told, was a woman. Her word is what caused the bridge of disbelief to be destroyed. She didn't just go with what she felt, she went with what she knew in the depths of her soul, to be true. Her faith.
AND THEN SHE RAN.
She destroyed the enemy's schemes. The lies, unbelief, and fear that filled these men's hearts. She destroyed it all, like the rush of a mighty wind, blowing through that door.
She ran towards the unbelief!
Instead of playing it safe, and letting her emotions take over, she took those emotions, and bridled them into fuel. Fuel that made her run, and knock the enemy flat on his back.
Then it happened.
Like a dying flower, receiving it's first drop of water, these men perked up, one by one. Some required more belief, than others. So, the Man just showed up... Showed them where the nails had torn through his flesh and muscles.
He was alive.
Every feeling these men had about this Man came flooding back.
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self-Control.
Because, instead of basing this Man's existence on what they felt, they allowed their faith to take over. They believed.
And the fire that had grown cold, had the tiniest embers, that that Man ignited.
That's all He ever asks for. Faith tinier than a piece of dirt. Even that small of an amount, is enough for Him to breathe life back into, adding kindling, fueling the growing fire inside of you.
Until one day, you run again.
You trample the enemy's lies about you. You trample your disbelief, in a very real God. You feel like your lungs and heart will explode with the excitement that wells up in you, as you run.
If you're in the threshold of unbelief. I dare you to turn around. Ask God to show you that He's real. Ask Him to re-ignite your soul. Like jumper cables to a dead battery, or paddles to a dead body, all it takes is a spark. Then there is life again.
Belief.
Fear in God, not fear that your faith isn't real.
Trust.
...and finally...
Love, again.
Resurrected from the depths of your soul. You walk away from the grave you've buried yourself in. Shackled in sin, dying, bleeding out, in unbelief.
You get up, slowly, marching, at first.
Then, in unabandoned love,
....you run.
Keep marching.
Men, walk away from fear.
Women, walk away from letting your emotions run wild.
Instead, run away from fear, to a fear of a Holy God, rise up to the leadership that God gave you.
Run away from insane emotions, to emotions that capture the amazing power of God's love.
Just run.