Seven months.
That's how long I've been begging God to remove the distractions in my life. Relationships, commitments, and finally my beloved iPhone, were among the many things that were plucked as quickly from my grasp, as I would a weed, in my growing garden.
So, as I type on my laptop (and not my iPhone), I just wanted to share the why.
Why does it matter if you have an iPhone, or not?
Why this grand exit from normalcy, to pursue a life of simplicity?
Why can't you just put your phone down, if it's too much of a distraction?
I've tried to think of a thousand and one ways to sugar coat what I'm about to say, but came up empty:
Because I'm too addicted.
Gross.
I hate even using the word "addicted". It makes it sound like I carried the goofy phone with me everywhere I went, and like I was on it every waking moment, and like I'd get frustrated if one of my five kiddos interrupted me reading an article, watching a video, or mindlessly scrolling through Facebook.
Oh, wait.
That was exactly what I did.
It actually makes my stomach hurt to even admit that, but it's the raw, honest truth.
So, I quit.
I walked into the Sprint store, to upgrade my phone, and as I was waiting for an employee to help me, I walked over to the "new and improved iPhone 7 (plus, S, whatever the newest version was). I hit the home button instinctively, and swiped through the apps, and felt this overwhelming distaste.
How sad is it that the "Home" button on my iPhone brought me more comfort, than the home where I'm called to be part of a family?
So, the Sprint employee approached me, eyes lit up, as he saw me standing next to the iPhones, and he asked "How can I help you?"
"I need to upgrade my phone," I said.
"Great! I can totally help you with that! Are you looking to get the new iPhone?"
"Umm...Actually, can you show me what flip phone options you have?"
"Uhh, sure," he stammered.
"Here's one option, it's a more sleek flip phone, with more options, and here's the other option, that we typically recommend for construction workers."
I stood there, staring at both, knowing exactly which one I was walking out with. He excused himself, as another customer needed help, working the self-pay kiosk. And for that brief moment, I wrestled with God:
"Everyone has iPhones, it doesn't really mean that much to You, does it?"
"Is this crazy? What if people think I'm crazy, God? For getting a flip phone?"
"What if they think I'm just getting it, because I can't afford an iPhone?"
And all I heard, as questions swirled around in my head, was silence.
I knew the answers.
If He asks us, it matters to Him.
If it goes against the grain of the world, you're probably up to something good.
If I care more about people looking at my status in life, than I do people looking at my walk with God, I've missed something. Something big.
Naysayers will doubt this moment of realization. Question why God would ask me to get a flip phone.
Hear me, when I say this:
God didn't ask me to quit my iPhone. He asked me to quit loving my iPhone, more than I loved every beautiful thing He has given me in this life.
Any idol, any idol, we have to be willing to give up.
Another super embarrassing thing to admit:
One morning, Mark and I had woken up before the kids, and the first thing we did, before we said "Good morning" to each other, was pick up our phones, unplug them from the charger, and instinctively hit the Home button, and start swiping away. Then the three boys walked in, rubbing their eyes, after a good night's sleep, and said "Good morning, Momma and Daddy!" in that oh-so-sweet sleepy voice.
Mark and I both, at the same time, tilted our phones away from the 4 inches we had them hovering near our eyes, said "Good morning!" in unison, and went right back to our phones.
All of this came flooding into my memory, as I was standing in the Sprint store.
That's the "why".
Because that's not the Momma I wanted to be. That's not the Momma I'm called to be.
So, the Sprint employee walked back over to me, and asked if I'd decided what I was going to do.
"I'll take the construction worker one. I'm a Mom of 5 kiddos. I need indestructible."
He laughed, and made a comment about how clumsy kids are, and I informed him that the klutz in the family is actually me! I've broken (and had to replace) more iPhone screens that I'd care to admit!
As he was getting the paperwork started, Mark FaceTime'd my old iPhone.
"Hey sweets! Where are you?"
"In the Sprint store, upgrading my phone!"
"Good for you! What are you getting?"
I picked up the box to my new dinosaur phone, and hovered it in front of the camera.
"No way! Are you serious babe?!" he said, as he chuckled.
"I'm so serious," I laughed back, "and guess what? If you get one, we can walkie-talkie each other!"
"Sierra, that's seriously awesome! Maybe you'll have time to write your book, now! Man, that makes me miss my old flip phone!"
"Yep, and time to just be a Mom."
"So proud of you, babe."
All of the doubt that swirled in my head was silenced, when the man that loves me most said "So proud of you, babe."
That's all that matters.
My desire for approval should come from God, only. When I have that, everything else falls into line.
Here me out:
I'm not trying to start a "Flip Phone Revolution", I'm just trying to be obedient to a God-ordained resolution.
When I committed to be a stay at home Mom, that commitment came with a million and one sacrifices. But they were all ones I was willing to make.
Unless it involved me missing out on some "notification". That was asking too much.
Slowly but surely, however, all of the people that needed me became less important, than those that just wanted to notify me that they "liked" something of mine.
It honestly just left a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have a dream to write a book, and have it finished by April of 2018. But I knew I was too distracted. So this January, I asked God a simple request:
"Lord please remove any distractions that are displeasing to You, and causing my life to be less than what You have for me."
WARNING: DO NOT PRAY THIS PRAYER, IF YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN IT. HE WILL ANSWER, YOU PROBABLY WON'T "LIKE or SHARE" THE RESULTS.
So just as quickly as I prayed that, God started pruning me. Snipping away any branches that were dead, and didn't bear good fruit. He started pruning away people who I once was close with, and causing distance, in that relationship, because quite frankly, I needed to be at home more. He started pruning every thorn from my heart, every selfish thought, every weed that was taking rent. He answered prayers that had been left unanswered for 2 years, just to show me how big He is. Finally, He pruned the biggest distraction, addiction, and temptation in my life: my phone.
Let me add here, if we are friends, acquaintances, or you don't even know me, I am in no way judging you, if you still have your iPhone. This was my ugly sin, my addiction, my distraction from what is beautiful in life. Everyone sins differently, so I'm in no way judging people with smartphones. I'm taking the time to judge myself. There are MANY people who use there phones for work, etc. mine just became an excuse to check out of every day life, and get swept up in every single article, video, funny meme, etc.
As the Sprint employee was working on the sale, he was sure to remind me that there are no games, no apps, no ability to do group messages, low quality camera abilities, etc.
I simply responded, "My husband has an iPhone, so if I 'need' any of that, I can use his."
"Okay," he said, "well I'm just going to transfer your photos and contacts, for you, and you'll be squared away!"
"No you're not," I warned, "there are 12,000 photos on there, and only about 25% of my contacts get ahold of me. Worst case scenario, I have to ask 'Who's this?' a hundred times."
"You're really serious about all of this, aren't you?" he stared in disbelief.
Right before he restored my factory settings, I pointed to my "Home" screen, at the picture of Mark and I with all our kids.
"See that? I don't want to just post about them growing up. I want to be there, all there, as they grow up. It's one of the most important things I'll ever do."
"Man," he said, "I wish my wife would jump onboard with this! She's on her phone all the time."
I simply responded, "Don't wish. Pray for her. It took me years to get here, and probably took many humble prayers from my husband, that I'll never know about. Each person has their own path. I'm sure she's doing the best she can, just like I'm trying to do."
"True. But remember, you have 14 days to return this! And we can switch it all back to normal."
I nodded, smiling, and thanked him.
"I'm not going to see you, in 14 days, am I?" he asked, inquisitively.
"Nope, probably not. Have a blessed day."
I left that Sprint store with a small bag holding all the contents of my latest purchase: the box, the charger, and all the paperwork, on my "new" phone. I felt like I did when I was 16, and got my first flip phone. I was excited, but more than ever I felt a freedom I didn't know I had given up. As I held my phone, I received my first phone call. The ring is a vintage phone ring, and I just smiled. I recognized the number, because I memorized it 9 1/2 years ago, when a handsome brown-haired, brown-eyed guy stole my heart.
I just answered, and beamed "Babe. I absolutely love it!"
Some have shared that they think I'll miss the camera, or that I'll miss all the conveniences of an iPhone. Yesterday was my 14 day mark, which means, I'm no longer available to go back to "normal". These past 2 weeks, we've had a stomach bug, (where all of us but Mark were throwing up, so he did 14+ loads of laundry, while we were all sick), birthday parties, hung out with my siblings, Mark turned 36, and I can say with great assurance, this new normal that I'm living, is my favorite.
The only thing I regret not having my iPhone for, was to take a video of the 3 Sprint employees looking at my ancient artifact of a "new" phone, and making a "Ooooh!" noise, as it powered up. Then commenting how "different" it was. THAT WAS PRICELESS.
Also, the fact that my phone bill has went down from $200 to $60, makes for a REALLY nice, easy transition!
Mark woke up next to me, one morning last week, and kissed my forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed, which meant he'd been thinking hard about something.
"Hey babe, I don't want you to think that I made you get that phone. Just know that if you decide to go back to your iPhone, I won't judge you, or think less of you in any way."
I smiled, and stretched my arms, as I woke up from SLEEPING, and not ever being alerted in the middle of the night from a text or email.
"I love you, Sweets, and so I mean no offense when I say this: my phone decision had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with God and I, and if I was going to be joyfully obedient to what He was asking. Trust me when I say, I'm so grateful that I listened, and followed through. I regret nothing."
He smiled, and kissed me on the forehead again, and just laughed.
"I really am considering getting one so we can walkie-talkie each other!"
"We'd be the coolest parents on the block," I chuckled, as I nestled into the spot I fit perfectly in, when laying next to him.
Then as we laid there, our fifth-born, whom we nicknamed Squish, toddled into the room, and asked through her paci "Up?", and we just loved on our early-morning riser, and enjoyed every moment.
I enjoyed it so much, I didn't have the time to post it on Instagram.
That's the legacy I want to leave.
So, my challenge for YOU, whoever you may be:
What is causing you to not live life fully? Distracting relationships? Distracting commitments? Distracting "notifications"? I challenge you to swim upstream, a bit. And as others pass you, and question what you're doing, remember that upstream is the only way to build muscle, push ourselves to do more than we thought possible, and ultimately reach a goal, that others said were impossible.
Upstream is nuts, and an adventure you'll never forget.
Downstream is normal, and will fade in your memory, as quickly as each "notification" fades.
Sending much love, from a humble heart, and hoping that whatever path you're walking, that you would:
Choose Joy, Speak Life, and Keep Marching.