Fall is my absolute favorite season. My birthday, 3 of my kids' birthdays, my parents anniversary, my sisters' birthdays, GOOD GRAVY. LOT'S O' CELEBRATING.
However, even in all the celebrating, what I feel like God is revealing to me, as He gently whispers "Be obedient.", is that Fall, for some, is painful.
As the gently warm breeze switches to a harsh wind, no amount of pumpkin flavored everything can take away the pain.
A miscarriage, an excruciating memory, a difficult child, a feeling of inadequacy. All these things can't be brushed away, as quickly as we sweep leaves off our porch. They can't be erased, even as we try and flood our mind with new memories. The decadent smell of the perfect cinnamon/apple/crust ratio, can't cloud the imperfection of whatever we're carrying. For some, it's just not a Happy Fall, Y'all.
As I type this, I'm flooded with people who've asked me to pray.
A friend who has a toddler at Children's Hospital, trudging through the uncharted waters of all that is involved in every tiny decision made, that is quite literally, life and death.
A Momma who has a strong willed child, and is stomping through a dark forest, quietly whispering "Help!", as she waits for the tiny sliver of light to pierce through, revealing wisdom in how to reach this child's heart.
A mom, and wife, who recently found herself questioning every decision she's made, as her pastor husband revealed his addiction.
A woman who's fears and failures always reveal themselves, like clock-work, right at this time.
And even though I love fall, I can feel it. The bitterness of the cold. As you round a corner, that has been filled with warmth, only to hit the wind, and draw in that deep, freezing cold breath. It's often debilitating. Causing you to lose strength. Whatever bag, scarf, child you're carrying, you squeeze close to you. To try, with no avail, to avoid the harsh bitterness of the cold day.
But as I said, it's to no avail.
I'm not enough.
That Momma in the hospital, is not enough.
That Momma with the strong child, is not enough.
That woman with a book of lies, opened before her, that she'd never seen sitting on her bookshelf, is not enough.
And yet we keep trying to be enough.
We think if we just do more of _____, then the memories will fade. The bitterness will seep away, and we can go on, enjoying life, one bite of sugary pie at a time.
But you and I both know the roller coaster keeps on going. Gary Chapman has a book called "The 4 seasons of Marriage.", which you can find here. And quite honestly, it could be renamed "The 4 seasons of Life." Because whether we're married, single, divorced, a Mom, a daughter, or an estranged child, I feel as though we've all walked through these seasons:
Winter:
Emotions: Hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness
Climate of Relationship: Detached, cold, harsh, bitter.
Spring:
Emotions: Excitement, joy, hope
Climate of Relationship: Vital, tender, open, caring.
Summer:
Emotions: Happiness, satisfaction, accomplishment, connection
Climate of Relationship: Comfortable, attached, supportive, understanding.
Fall:
Emotions: Fear, sadness, dejection, apprehension, discouragement, resentment, feelings of being unappreciated.
Climate of Relationship: Drifting apart, disengaging.
Quite honestly, I was shocked at his interpretation of Fall! I couldn't believe that he thought this is how Fall felt! Has he never been a part of #pumpkinallthethings ??? Apple Butter! Has he never experienced APPLE BUTTER? That's Fall to me!
But then, as I've been walking through Fall with others whom I deeply love and care for, I realized, maybe there's some truth to it.
And then I really searched my own heart.
And I realized, maybe I struggle with this, too.
Celebrations, apple butter, and everything pumpkin might just be my way of choosing joy, in the hard stuff.
I wouldn't even call it avoidance, because, as I'm scooping apple butter on a biscuit, I can feel the spiritual attacks in my life.
Fall can be hard. First off, the LAYERS. For me, socks, boots, slip, dress, jacket.
Then multiply that by 7. Because, family.
The chill in the air is bitter. So much so, it causes me to RUSH the kids in and out the door. And the chill makes my bones hurt!
Look up at the list of "Climate of Relationship": drifting apart, disengaging. Fall causes a season of hurried business. So I sometimes forget to be intentional with my kids, and with Mark. Which inadvertently, causes us to drift apart.
And if left unattended, causes us to drift into Winter, where the Climate of the Relationship is detached, cold, harsh, bitter.
And if we're speaking honestly here, that scares me.
I don't want those things to happen!
You know what else he says? It's dangerous to stay in the seasons that we love. Look up there at Summer: Comfortable, attached.
The last thing I want, with my walk with Christ, is to feel comfortable. Like I've got it all figured out. Every time I pridefully think "Hey, I've got this!", I'm quickly brought back down to the awkward self that I am. I fail daily.
So, what can you do?
First off, you are not enough to do anything. If you're reading my blog, and don't believe in God, that's your right. However, I do. I believe that in this life, as we all haphazardly try and trudge through, doing the best we can, we all begin to sink. We all begin to feel that feeling of inadequacy. Like we're not good enough. So for me, I go to God.
I have begged Him, on a regular basis, for a revelation.
"God reveal a word I can speak into this woman's heart, so that SHE KNOWS she's incredible."
"God reveal a moment I can pray with this woman, so that SHE KNOWS she's not alone."
"God reveal my selfishness, pride, and arrogance, so that I KNOW how foolish I'm being, and then give me the courage to seek forgiveness."
And then, that tiny little word, that feels like the warmth of a home, as you scurry in from the cold, or like the relief you feel when you pull the perfectly designed, and executed, apple pie from a warm oven.
That small reminder, that we are His:
Grace.
Grace is a nurse at the Children's Hospital, who just loves on you. Your worn out, no makeup, exhausted you.
Grace is a friend praying against the schemes of the enemy, in you and your husband's life.
Grace is God reminding you that the demons from you past, the painful memories, are not who you are, but rather, what He has given you the strength to walk through.
And Grace, sweet friends, is a big ol' dollop of apple butter, on a piping hot biscuit, that you eat all to yourself, after the kids go to bed.
My prayer, as we enter into Fall, is that we'd not dread it. Not avoid it. But also, not completely distract ourselves from the hard things.
I pray you'd enjoy that pumpkin candle, filling your house with delicious aromas. I pray you make that dessert, and enjoy it with friends.
But most of all, I pray whatever you're walking through right now, that you'd remember:
You're not enough, but thank God He is.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
. . . . . . .
I thought I'd add my recipe for Apple Butter on here! Enjoy it, and if you make some, tag me on Instagram (@sierrajodominguez) , so I can see your deliciousness!
Apple Butter
-5 1/2 lbs. apples (Whatever kind you like! I use Gala.)
-1 1/2 Cups White Sugar
-1 Cup Brown Sugar
-2 Cups Water
-1 tsp. Nutmeg
-1 tsp. Ground Cloves
-3 tsp. Cinnamon
Turn your Crockpot onto Low. Add water to Crockpot. In a bowl, stir together sugars and spices. Core apples, and cut into 1 inch chunks. Add all apples to Crockpot and pour sugar mixture over them. Stir until apples are nicely coated. Place lid on Crockpot, and simmer 8-12 hours. (Or overnight.) Remove lid, turn Crockpot on High, and cook 2-4 more hours. Apples should be a dark brown color, and smell like heaven! Take an immersion blender, or ladle mixture into food processor, blend until smooth. Ladle into storage container, and keep in fridge for 30 days. Or ladle into glass canning jars, place lids and rings on jar, boil in water bather for 15-20 minutes, and will keep for up to a year! Spread on toast, hot biscuits, or just eat like applesauce! Enjoy!
-Sierra for Dojo's Designs
I just wanted to thank you for writing your blog I always look forward to reading what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sierra-we all need the reminder that our God is bigger than our problems. May He bless you indeed. With love from one Pastor's wife to another ����
DeleteThank you, Mrs. Nanci! God bless you and yours!
DeleteGreat words Sierra - really gets one thinking.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the recipe too. I'm in Australia so not enjoying Fall but all the same love Apple Butter!!
Hello Australia!!
Delete(I've secretly always wanted my hubby to have a cute Aussie accent... still working on it though!) ;)
Ha! G'day mate!
DeleteNo truly we don't all talk like.
Tell hubby you all have an invite to come visit us. We love on a remote cattle station (similar to what you all call a ranch) in the Northern Territory. We can give you a 'real' Aussie experience.
Again thank-you for your post. Really got me thinking about others and getting out of my own little bubble.
Your home sounds beautiful!!! I praise God you were blessed by the post! He gets all the glory!
DeleteYou are such an inspiration to me! What an amazing post!! It really spoke to my heart!! I, too, love love love fall!! Everything pumpkin! But I also have some not so happy memories from fall in the past. But by the grace of God, fall is still my favorite season, and I know that God works all things together for good! Thank you for your sensitive, caring, God-fearing heart!
ReplyDeletePraise the Lord! Thank you for sharing your testimony!
DeleteThank you so much for this blog post. As I read this morning I'm reminded of some seasons in my own life that would not have been so sweet if I didn't have the Lord in my life. Gods grace has been sufficient through every season. Thank you for your own testimony of Gods love in your life. It shines brightly!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mrs. Joyce, for your encouraging words! God bless you and yours!
DeleteBeautiful post, Sierra!! Apple butter is my fav! About how many jars will this recipe make?
ReplyDeleteSomeone else asked me this question, and I honestly can't remember! I've been making them in such big batches, but I want to say 12 pints? Don't quote me! ;)
DeleteBeautiful post as always, Sierra! Fall has always been my favorite season, but as I'm battling depression, Fall is currently just a sad reminder of how my joy has been stolen. I am trying to seek God through the pain, but it is so hard! I would love to have the chance to pray with you, as your faith in the Lord inspires me. Can't wait to try your recipe, God bless!
ReplyDeleteYou know what's incredible about your joy being "stolen". The enemy has NO right to do so. You're a child of God, and even though it feels like you're deflated, and like your joy is gone, remember "Though the sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning." Your joy is coming. Just keep praising Him in the middle of the storm!
DeleteSo thankful for your encouraging words. I LOVE me some fall...but you are right that it can also be a season of remembering hurt and pain. This was a timely reminder that although this season has some pasts hurts...God is good. And he is faithful and steadfast. Each time fall rolls around the reminder of hurts will be there. But so will pumpkin spice, crisp weather, and apple butter. In his absolute goodness, God has give us these beautiful things to enjoy :)
ReplyDelete-Jessica Watkins @ oursimplyabundantlife.wordpress.com
Praise the Lord!
DeleteThank you for your encouraging words, Jessica! God bless you!
My goodness, You are so wise. i love the thought of season of life like season of weather. I too Love Fall though and fee it would be my summer (i hate summer i'm a red head sun equal sunburn hahah) but i could just do a swap. thank you for your sweet blog posts that help keep me focused. I read this one after writing my blog post today myself and suddenly realized how uninspiring i have been in my blog latley. I have some work to do i think. thank you for sharing you blessings onto the world. and one question maybe you could touch on hahah. I recently have been doing the skirt thing in my modesty journey and i'm nervous about winter. how do make skirts work in the snow??? wait do you get snow??? i dunno but some advice girl to girl would be great. and feel free to check out my blog anytime!! Lots of love from me to you!! http://alifeingod.blogspot.ca/
ReplyDeleteLeggings underneath, and a slip in between the leggings and skirt, that way the leggings don't "stick" to the skirt! :) God bless you and yours!
DeleteThanks Sweet Lady hahah. It works great. all ready for a good ol Canadian winter now!!!
DeleteHi Sierra,
ReplyDeleteJust wondering if you peel the apples or keep the skins on?
Keep the skins on! :)
DeleteI love your blog! I was just wishing for some Apple Butter so I will try your recipe this weekend. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure! Enjoy!
DeleteSierra, I just love your blog posts. I'm a editor and so I read a lot, which means that it takes a lot to touch my heart – and you always do! I often pray for your family. I have commented here once before, when I had been struggling with how to find hope and a community to worship; I am a Christian, but don't feel a connection with the denomination in which I was raised. Unfortunately, it's not very common where I live in Europe for people my age to practise or even believe (although I am the same age as you!), and so I often feel alone in this.
ReplyDeleteBecause I cannot find the right community, I have more recently begun simply following certain Bible plans and some wonderful series of devotionals. This has been such a blessing and has become the highlight of my evenings. Although I have always spoken talk to God every day, there is something about the structure and community of a Church that I miss. Getting a glimpse into how God works in your life, and how you always seek Him, gives me a glimpse of that feeling of a shared journey that I haven't had since being a part of my old community of faith. Thank you for that.
I hope you continue to find the joy in the Fall season, and work through the hardships.
Warmest regards,
Lynn
Lynn,
DeleteYour words are precious. Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage a simple Momma like me. A dream of mine is to write a book, one day, so any pointers you could give me, are gladly welcomed. Feel free to email me at dojosdesigns@yahoo.com . Again, thank you so much. <3
Love reading your blog. You are such an inspiration! My family and I are going to make this and deliver it to neighbors. Keep sharing your light in the world!
ReplyDeleteYAY!!! This makes my heart so happy! Enjoy!
DeleteHow so very sweet of you to share your recipe.
ReplyDeleteIn your IG where you were talking about Hacksaw Ridge, which I really want to see. When you say "Lord, help us get one more." One more soul, who is lost. One more widow, who is broken......
Thank you so much for thinking of our widowed. So many times church leaders say they do enough for widows but in a recent survey of several hundred widows we learn that they feel so forgotten. I wish all pastors and all funeral homes would give out this first one to the family when a lady becomes a widow:
https://simpleactofkindness.wordpress.com/2016/05/21/what-to-expect-now-that-she-is-a-widow/
and the second one that is called "What a Widow will Never Tell You"
https://simpleactofkindness.wordpress.com/a-simple-act-of-kindness-for-widows/
Thank you so much for sharing, Bella! I agree!
DeleteI'm looking forward to making Apple Butter 🍎 I've never heard of it before as it's not something we have here on the uk 🇬🇧 does it spread like Jam ? Or is it like apple sauce?
ReplyDeleteMany thanks
Suze
Hi, Suze!
DeleteIt's a texture similar to apple sauce! But delicious spread on buttered bread!
So Sorry for filling up your comments but i have to share. I have made two batches of apple butter (mostly for awesome Christmas gifts) but on the second one i substituted 1/4 of the brown sugar for 1/4 cup maple syrup!!! (Canadian maple syrup of course. actually from my friends family farm so fresh so good). Any way making it maple apple butter. and it totally jacked this recipe up. it turned out SOOOOO Good. Terry and i were scraping the bowl to eat all the leftovers with a spoon lol.
ReplyDeleteJust thought i'd share. Happy holidays!!
CANADIAN SYRUP!?!
DeleteSounds HEAVENLY!
So cool! I'm so glad you could "tweak" it to your liking!
And licking the bowl? My husband would be right there beside you, doing it with you!
I always come across your blog at the most appropriate times. I commented before and told you about the pasdi g of my first and only child. I have been trying to heal. I have stopped crying but that pain doesn't just fade easily. But I know, now its just a season.a season that I must go through in order to bloom.
ReplyDelete