Friday, January 6, 2017

Finding Joy in a Season of Loneliness

Have you ever walked a road of loneliness? One where you're in this lethargic state of being.

I have, too.

Mark and I lovingly refer to it as a "funk". A moment in your life when there is distance in all the relationships you hold dear. When you wonder if this will be the new normal, or if it will pass. I've talked about "seasons" here, but sometimes, even seasons of loneliness are too hard to address.

I experienced my first season of loneliness when I was 7.

Seven, you may ask. Yes, seven.

At least I think that's how old I was. To be perfectly honest, I have no recollection of 1st grade-4th grade. I remember a project I made in 4th grade. It was a book, about how much of a hero my Mom was to me. It's amazing how a child can pick up joy in a dark situation, even when adults can't.

I have many missing details from that time of life, and it's with good reason. I heard a quote one time that said "When God can't protect you from someone's sin choices, He'll wrap His arms around you, shield your eyes, and cover your ears."

Time magazine also reported,
"In the midst of assault, the brain's fear circuitry takes over while other key parts are impaired or even effectively shut down. This is the brain reacting to a life-threatening situation just the way it is supposed to." -Dr. James Hopper and Dr. David Lisak 

I have 3 1/2 years missing.

For a long time, that would paralyze me. I would be angry that those memories of my childhood were gone. What had I missed? The last memory I can remember, during that time was when I was saved. My brother and I were at our parent's best friends house. Mr. Dale and Mrs. Chris. There house was always warm, and smelled like a delicious coffee. (Not the black stuff my parents would drink!) I still giggle now, as I prepare a pot of black coffee, that's cinnamon roll flavored. I always thought Chris had some secret, to brewing coffee that didn't smell like motor oil. Turns out, there are just many coffee options! Her daughter, Bethany, who was much older than me, was patient with me. She taught me how to play Mancala (and how to win!) She showed me the beauty of weaving the teeniest, tiniest beads together, to form an ornate bracelet. Still today, she hand-makes beautiful wallets, diaper bags, and purses. Mr. Dale was the only adult I knew that could match my brother's energy level. They would play basketball for hours, while I was roaming their farm. They also had an adorable pot-bellied pig, that forever made me want one! (Like, I still want one.) To me, their house was an escape. I didn't even realize why their house felt so magical, but I know now, my tiny human self was seeking comfort. They invited us to go to their churches VBS. We attended, and I just remember sitting in a pew, and a man asking if we knew who Jesus was. 

Yes, I thought. 

"Do you know that He can save you from any brokenness, sin, or darkness?" 

Hmm, okay? Those were pretty big words, and I didn't really understand what he meant. 

"Do you know if you're going to heaven when you die?" 

I had no idea. He explained salvation. How there is a Savior, Jesus Christ, who died for me. When they asked if there was anyone that wanted to be saved, I just remember standing up, and I burst into tears. 

Now, brief rant: I know there are people that don't believe in Jesus, probably even reading this right now. They'll roll their eyes, and think that I'm fabricating it, or that I was persuaded to be saved, or that I was too young, or whatever. 

But guess what?

I don't care if you're 7 or 70, there will come a deep, lonely time in your life, when you realize you want to believe there is more to this life than just what we see. In that moment, you'll brush it off, ignore it, or even laugh it off. But we've all been there. And we're all given the same choice.

I chose to believe. 

In an intense moment of darkness, I needed to believe there was something greater. 

I recently had a phone conversation with my Mom about how scared I was to share my full testimony. So nervous, in fact, my stomach is in knots, as I type. But she lovingly encouraged me to remember that there is power in sharing redemption, and for that, I'm grateful. 

On social media, other various blogs, random human beings, etc. I get the comment "Wow! I thought you were older than 27.” While I'd like to pretend that it's because of my wise countenance, (Yeah, right. I'm so awkward.) I know it's because I look older than 27. People press on, and exclaim how they thought my 35 year old husband was younger than me! I laugh, and joke about his baby face! 

But probably, if I were given the chance to share with people that hate me, people that love me, people that don't know me, or barely know me, I'd share this:

I look older, because when I was six, I was sexually abused. 

It ages you. Life ages you. Stress ages you. Kids age you. 

Carrying another human being for 9+ months, then being up all night, waking up early, helping your husband get to work; multiply that by 5. It ages you. 

And that's okay.

I would rather be known by the lines that form when I’m belly laughing with my husband and children, than by my perfectly positioned meal, captured on Instagram. 



Like I said above, I don't remember details. I just remember a moment, when I was younger, of me trying to tell my Mom what was happening. I started throwing up and saying, "I'm sorry." 

Because, as one treatment center put it:

Feelings of guilt and shame are common reactions following a sexual assault. Because of misconceptions about assault, some victims blame themselves, doubt their own judgment, or wonder if they were in some way responsible for the assault. Feelings of guilt and self-blame may be reinforced by the reactions of others, who, because of prevalent myths about sexual assault, may blame the victim or criticize his or her behavior. You may also feel ashamed. Some victims describe feeling dirty, devalued, and humiliated as a result of a sexual assault. Feelings of shame are often related to the powerlessness and helplessness victims experience during a sexual assault. 

 So, I'd just throw up, and apologize. 

Anyone who knows my Mom, knows what a warrior she is. Having walked a bumpy road herself, she instantly went into "Mom-mode". 

Another side note: Mom's of sexual abuse victims are a level of warrior I'm in awe of. They cry, fight, console, hold, and demand truth. 

That's my Momma. 

Because of the sensitivity of the situation that I was involved in, I still had to see this person during holidays. My mom made sure we were never in the same room, and that if I needed to go to the bathroom, she would stand guard at the door.

That man passed away when I was in 5th grade.

Do you want to know what will add pre-mature wrinkles on the ol' forehead?

Relief, when someone passes away.

That's an odd feeling for a 10 year old to carry.

After the funeral, I remember my Daddy sobbing, and when he hugged me, he kept whispering, "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you."

I remember being 10 years old, and telling him, "It's okay, Daddy. It's not your fault."

Again, heavy stuff.

I think that's why my heart beats so wildly to find the joy in life. I lost 3 years, to loneliness, darkness, worry, and stress. Joy is addictive.

When you see someone pop into a room, with a ridiculous grin on their face, and you feel the heavy atmosphere change, that's joy. You can't help but smile.

When you're discouraged, beat down, weary, and someone comes alongside you, to take you to lunch, just to make you laugh. That's joy. 

It isn't just something that comes and goes. You remember the joy, during a really hard moment.

Joy for me, was learning how to play Mancala, when I was little. (Which I could still win, should a challenger present him/herself.)

Joy for me now, is knowing that my purpose in life, if I succeed at nothing else, is to have a husband that loves me, and children that know I love them. That's why I was created.

So in those moments of weakness, when I respond angrily to my children, I'm not fulfilling my purpose. In that moment of arguing with my husband, I'm not fulfilling my purpose.

'Cause here's the deal, y'all. I'm a hot mess express, who is blessed to drive a Momma Rocket, and have a Handsome Man to smooch. 

That's my joy.

If you're in the middle of "Survival Mode" (approximately 1-12 months after you have a baby), the long nights, eating leftover Gardetto's for dinner, not showering in a few days, messy bun & sweatpants for daaaaays. That's okay. But don't forget about your joy. Because when you have that inner peace, it changes the trajectory of your family.

My most challenging time as a Mom, was when I had 2 kiddos, and we were expecting our third. My laundry was artfully crafted into shapes resembling the Rocky Mountains, all along my sectional. Dishes were overstimulating, laundry was overstimulating, LIFE was overstimulating.

And someone came beside me, and said "Sierra, you need to figure out what your ministry is, and do it with excellence."

I started making chocolate covered strawberries, and started a blog.

That was my joy.

That person was my husband. 

He saw me drowning, and knew that if he offered me a lifeline, my strong will would refuse. So, instead, in his very chill way, he offered me a challenge.

"Find your joy, Sierra. Figure out what makes your heart beat wildly, to do something incredible."

If you’re in college, and the simple joys that you took for granted, when you were younger, are a foreign concept now:

They’re not as foreign as you're probably making them. 

We all go through a phase where we’re out to prove the the world just how resilient we are, and how much wiser we are. Sometimes that can be a very lonely season, as well. Just don’t forget to find the joy.

Those little tiny flickers of light, in a dark moment. It’s what keeps us afloat. Keeps us marching. 
So I offer you, if you're still reading all of this, after reading the heavy stuff up there ^, the same challenge.

Find your joy. Figure out what makes you tick. What causes your brain to start idea after idea. When you think about ________ (fill in the blank), it makes the corners of your mouth perk up into a smile, and causes your whole body to relax.

Some people find great joy in knitting.

I am not those people, but am in awe of them!

Nowadays, I've put the strawberries, and the blog on the back burner, and only bring them out every once in a while. Because today, my joy is dusting off the crusties and crumbs that are on my youngest daughter Edyn, EVERY TIME WE EAT. We call her Squish. My joy is consoling my very passionate 2 year old, Ellyn, and watching her grow, and think, and taaaaaalk. :) My joy is asking God to reveal ways I can understand my 3 year old. Little moments that are huge to him, like laying beside him, while he tries to fall asleep. Building with him, and encouraging him. My joy is watching my very active 5 year old get EXCITED about any/all things, Here lately, his excitement is his school. My joy is watching my 6 year old grow (literally, so tall), dream, and talk about what he wants to be when he grows up!

My joy is watching my husband fulfill his dreams, that he's put off for 10 years. He truly is incredible. It's scary taking leaps of faith, even scarier when you're the breadwinner for a wife and 5 kids, but he's doing it!

I have dreams, too. One of which, I'm fulfilling, just by writing my blog. But I have other dreams as well. I look forward to seeing how God takes my dreams, molds them with His will, and reveals His plan.

So, there you go, world. (I can officially say that, because a lady from NORWAY said she reads my blog!)


That's my challenge to you:

Find your joy. Ignore the voice that says you "can't". Ignore the people on the internet that troll your life, to try and destroy it. Ignore the people IN your life that try and destroy you. Jealousy can be ugly. Don't let their jealousy affect you. Just keep going. Little tiny baby steps, seeking God's will for your life, and finding the moments that make us smile.

Our moments of joy.

Never let a person, the enemy, or even yourself steal those moments from you. 

Never let the yells of the enemy drown out the whispers of the Lord. 

And as always:


Choose Joy, Speak Life, and Keep Marching.

122 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. My pleasure! Thank you for reading!

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  2. Awesome as always. Your an inspiration to women like me for sure. I love that you speak you truth and are real with us. I feel your genuineness and am greatful for your blog. It so nice to get to see a strong women who faces everyday challenges and owns them. All while keeping her faith first. Your 27 years has provided you with blessings that you share. Be proud of yourself. I look up to you and I myself am 31 and married (no littles yet) but finder a lot of you in me and am happy you allow us to connect with you. Make me feel less alone!!!! Bless you and your family. All my love
    Christine

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Keep marching, sweet Momma!

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  3. Thank you so much for writing this. I am also in a funk and need to refind my joy.

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    1. We all find ourselves there, eventually. Praying for you, Linda!

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story. You're an inspiration. Thank you.

    With love from the Netherlands

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  5. Still reading from Norway, and I'm always running eagerly to your blog when it's updated! You have a talent for writing. Thank you for sharing. <3

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    1. Praise God! Thank you for your encouraging words!

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  6. Really lovely and honest reminder. Thank you for sharing

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  7. Love this so much! Thank you for baring your soul so that we all can take away that there is always a way to "count it all joy"! So happy you found a your way through all of the hurt and pain you were subjected to as a child. You are such a positive role model, so, thank you again! I really loved watching you on 19 Kids and Counting, you have a great heart for serving others and a perfect sense of humor! I really miss that show, I love Counting On also, I just miss the Jim Bob and Michelle interviews and their perspective on things... take care, ❤ from Georgia

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    1. Praise the Lord! Thank you for your kind words!

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  8. What an encouraging message!
    I needed this so much today! My 4 kiddos have been... a bit overwhelming today and I was really having a grumpy mama bear morning. After reading this- *find your joy* it made me smile and decide to not stress about the lunch on the floor and choose joy! You are such an inspiration to me! Thank you so much for sharing! ♡♡♡

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    1. Deeeeeeeep breath! Being a Mom is the toughest job we'll ever love. Praying for you!

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    2. So true!
      Thank you so much!! ♡
      Have a great weekend!

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  9. Very well said! I am in a dark place right now, where I am not in control (although I never really am). I'm not sure the outcome, but I need to find joy in any and all situations! Thank you so much for sharing! I can't imagine how hard that was for you!!

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    1. When walking through darkness, search for those tiny moments of light cracking through. They're there. I don't know your situation, but I can assure you that I'll be praying for you.

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  10. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this! I have been going through a rough funk...again (they come & go due to similar circumstances). I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon your blog, But i really believe God led me to it. You are very strong ❤, reading this helped me see the joy that's all around me even though I feel lost in a fog. Again Thank you and God bless you and your beautiful family.

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    1. A lot of times the fog is when we give up, and give God control of our lives. I'm praying for you, and thank you for sharing a snippet of your story!

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  11. Beautiful! I also have chunks missing from my childhood, for different reasons. I believe God wants me to focus on the future, not the past. Thank you so much for sharing, it's what I needed to hear today.

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    1. Amen! Praying that you'd find peace, even when the chunks are missing!

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  12. I wish someone had said this too me when I had my first child at 17, I literally stayed in a funk even after having all 5 of my children when I was young my husband is 6 years older then me but gets told he looks 6 years younger then me cause I have aged so much since having kids and letting myself be the last to be taken care of all while having children in a two months span I lost my little sister who was just shy of her 18th birthday and my father who dies just days before my birthday. Now that my kids are a bit older it get a little easier to find joy in myself but it's a struggle for me and I have always been a big fan of you and your energy and how you and your husband are with your children now I just feel regret and bad that I let myself get into a funk when having my kids although I did not have alot of support it was just my husband and I and I never left my house unless it was for grocery shopping. I did however join a mom's group for a bit and never laughed so much in my life I loved going there until they cancelled it shortly after. Thanks for writing this it gives me a good kick in the bum to start on my own journo healing and finding more joy in just the small things even. Thanks Sierra and I hope you keep blogging, I follow you on instagram and LOVE LOVE seeing your creations with baking etc... just want to let you know I'm from Burnaby B.C. Canada! Your a fabulous mother and an inspiration �� much love to you and your beautiful tribe.

    -Brandy

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    1. Brandy,

      Your story is PRECIOUS! Thank you for sharing it with me. It is never ever ever too late to choose joy. It takes one tiny step at a time. Then it becomes as natural, as breathing! Praying for you, and your tribe! Keep marching, sweet Momma!

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  14. Isn't it funny how reading comments from a total stranger, half way across the world can resonate so much? I needed to read your words of advice so much today. It just goes to show, no matter what, we are all the same. Thankyou.
    Sending you love and joy from England. X

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    1. AMEN! We all struggle, and are left with the same choice: Find the good, or wallow in the bad. I just can't wallow. I'm praying for you, and find it incredibly cool that you are in England, reading my blog. Mind blowing. <3

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  15. Thank you for sharing so personally and genuinely with us; you're such an inspiration!! You and I are both wives and mammas living such parallel lives! I'd love to meet you one day, you are such an encouragement to me. I appreciate the "funk" you spoke about, I've been there after each baby too! Thanks you for the encouragement and challenge to find/choose joy and keep marching! God bless you!!!
    Reader from Iowa,
    Karen

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    1. Karen, thank you for your kind words!!! God bless you and yours!

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  16. Thank you! This encuragement was Just what i needed aften a time in "the funk". Im Just in the finishing stages of my education as an interiorstylist and i have doubted my skills for a while now Just because its so many other interiorstylists out there doing so Great in their business. But reading your blogpost made me think of why i am taking this education - and its Just because i truelly enjoy interiordesign and always have from the time i was a little girl. Thanks for giving me the Joy back!
    God bless you and all your loved ones.
    Love from another girl in Norway ❤

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    1. Keep marching, sweet girl!

      Pursue your dreams, and don't let doubt stop you!

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  17. This made me cry Sierra, you are such a blessing and I thank God every day you're one of "My own", a part of my family. I love you little girl.

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  18. Thank you for your bravery to share your story! Sending love to you and your family

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    1. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done. Thank you for seeing my heart in it!

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  19. Sierra, you inspire me to keep marching as you have done in the face of great adversity. Only in HIS joy can we do this! Thank you for your encouragement. So good to know we have a perfect Father who is in the business of redemption!

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  20. So inspirational thanks for sharing!

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  21. This was beautiful. I am so very sorry you went through what you went through. It happened to my mom, too. You are not alone! I also have a year missing, at 17, for different reasons. And as for finding your joy...it's funny, I have been struggling with exactly this lately. I'm trying to find a whole new identity, as my former happy place is fading away as I get older. Just today I realized I have been down this road before when a dream died, and that means I can do again. Just have to find a new path. Anyways, thank you! God bless!

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    1. Sometimes, our dreams die, because it wasn't God's will. Sometimes the die, because He's whispering "Not right now." Allow that refining process, and remember that a step in obedience, when He says "No.", will not return void. Praying for you!

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  22. Just What I Needed Today!
    I'm a First Time Reader & This Was Perfect!!
    I Won't Go Into Detail But Your Words Are Inspiring.
    All The Way From Australia ❤️

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    1. Praise God! Thank you for your support, all the way across the world!

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  23. Thank you Sierra. I needed those words today.
    I find myself so different to you (I am single 27 year old woman with no kids-except the 58 4 year olds I teach every week!!- and an athiest) but still so similar to you at the same time when you talk about life. I guess that's the beauty of being human- emotions and the struggles of life are universal.
    Thank you again,
    Kylie (another of your readers from Australia!)

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    1. Kylie,

      You have no idea how much your comment impacted me. Thank you for sharing your story. I worked at a daycare for 2.5 years, and had the "hard class", because I was the only one that could match the kids' energy levels. I know what kind of work you are doing. You're incredible.

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  24. Sierra - truly thank you!
    I am a mama to 8 and the youngest is 5mths. So in the crusty phase right and just need to find joy in the little things. Thank you for the reminder. God bless from Australia!

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  25. Thank you for sharing this. It really touched me. I am in a moment of dark that I am having a hard time finding joy in. I need to figure out how to find my joy in my marriage and children again. It's hard to find your way out sometimes and not stay in the darkness of it all.

    Tomorrow I will try my hardest to find my joy.

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    1. One step. One choice to smile, rather than get irritated. I struggle with this daily. And when I'm weak, I seek forgiveness. When I do well, I give God the glory. Praying for you, sweet Momma!

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  26. Thank you Sierra for this. I can say that I'm just coming out of a dark moment, which has lasted a while. I just want to say, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO REAL. You're right that others will try to get you down but, GOD is there to lift us up.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Praying for you, sweet friend!

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  27. THANK YOU! I needed this today, and everyday.

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  28. Sierra,

    You are a blessing and the LORD is using your testimony to reach others! The only reason people could think you are older than 27 is because you are wise beyond your years ! You are beautiful! GOD'S love shines through you !

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  29. THANK YOU

    May God bless you richly, and continue to give you healing and much JOY!!

    Love from Australia

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  30. Thank you Sierra, for sharing your story. It touches my heart! I'm from the Netherlands and i love to read your blog and follow you on instagram! Your story inspires me to find my joy in life too. I just needed your story on this time in my life.....thank you!

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  31. Mrs. Dominguez,

    I'm not a momma, a college student, or anything like that.... I'm a high schooler who has walked through lots of times of darkness that my friends say are better fit for an adult. But when I felt God urging me to check out your blog, I felt so encouraged. Thank you for being so open and honest, and thank you for blogging. It really does touch people!!

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    1. Keep Marching, sweet friend! High school were some of the roughest years of my life. Be that smile, to those around you!

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  32. Thank you for writing this. I'm an "older lady" but was sexually abused as a child myself. And, some years later, my husband left me and our children for another woman. People always think I'm older than I am. Hard times can age you. But -- like you -- I've decided to choose joy. We can't always control the circumstances of our lives but we can choose how to react. Choosing to be grateful and to find joy always gets me through.

    You're a lovely person and you write very well. Blessings to you and your family!

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story! Praying for you!

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  33. Thank you for sharing! I've struggled with anxiety for over 10 years now, I'm 27. Dysfunctional home life + sexual abuse as a teenager. I'm happily marry now and about to bring our first kiddo into the world, he'll be our rainbow baby. But I still find my self in the funk all the time, over the years I've lost joy, gradually lost interest in the things I used to love doing. And I struggle so much to find joy again. My husband has been so supportive. I just want to be me again.

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    1. Please shoot me an email dojosdesigns@yahoo.com

      I'll be praying for you!

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  34. Please tell me where you heard that first quote from. Love it so much.

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  35. Sierra this is so encouraging! There's a group of us ladies that fellowship daily to encourage and uplift each other on the baby center forum. I'm going to leave you the link. You seem to have a servant's heart and that's the type of people we are! Here's the link, please stop by http://community.babycenter.com/post/a65272036?cpg=128

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  36. This was so powerful. Thank you.

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  37. Thank you so much for sharing your story and testimony, your bravery and courage are astounding. Too often victims of sexual abuse are shamed into silence, and I am so grateful that you found strength and healing through Christ and your parents. God bless you and your family, you will be in my prayers!

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  38. I would always wonder why I never remembered being abused by my dad sexually. Now I don't feel so confused about it. I was only less than 6 when my dad started doing those things I don't remember..but I thought he did it when I was sleeping or something My mom went into warrior mode when she found out.. just like your mom. I feel worse for her then anyone because she couldn't trust anyone for yrs with me and my sisters. Your posts are beautiful Sierra and so r you!

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    1. I'm so sorry you've walked through that. I praise God for your Momma, and her willingness to protect you. You're a gift. Thank you for sharing your story!

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  39. Love this. I'm a victim as well and it's hard to explain to others how you can be ok, but just never really the same as everyone else. Thanks for sharing ❤

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    1. Praying for you! Thank you for your encouraging words!

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  40. Thank you for sharing this! I was sitting in class with a smile on my face the other day in freshman biology when the boy sitting next to me asked why I was smiling. I didn't have an answer for him at first- I was sleep deprived juggling sports practice and the loads of homework, but I smiled remembering your post and said: "because I choose joy." I said it so simply keeping that silly smile plastered on my face. I've been through a lot- my dad passed away a couple of years ago and I've struggled with anxiety, but in those moments I choose joy. J.O.Y (Jesus first, others second, yourself last). I find joy in sitting in my favorite teachers classroom learning about stuff I don't really care about. I find joy in babysitting those late nights dreaming of those days when I'll become a mother. So thank you for choosing JOY! Thank you for inspiring me to continue to choose joy and to encourage others to choose joy!

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    1. THANK YOU for being a soldier, and marching joyfully through life! I know how hard it is, and you have NO IDEA what kind of impact you're making on people! Keep marching, sweet friend!

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  41. Loved you on live tonight! Hope you do more! You are such an inspiration!
    God Bless you and your family! ♡

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  42. Wow! I really needed this right now. So glad I read it at this time in my life. I also need to find my purpose. Life is frieghtning sometimes. I don't want to feel this way. You give me hope. Thank you!

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    1. Aww...I think the most comforting words we can hear are "You're not alone." Praying for you!

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  43. "I recently had a phone conversation with my Mom about how scared I was to share my full testimony. So nervous, in fact, my stomach is in knots, as I type. But she lovingly encouraged me to remember that there is power in sharing redemption, and for that, I'm grateful."

    I am in tears. I think you have found your ministry by being open and honest about your life. What a testimony to the many who have been sexually abused that there can be joy afterwards. You were blessed to have been given a forum. Please keep blessing others by sharing your story.

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    1. Praise God. Thank you so much for you're encouraging words!

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  44. God bless you, dear sister for being real. Thank you for not sugar- coating your struggle by saying everything is wonderful. It isn't but it one day will be! I knew I loved you the first time I read your words and now I clearly see it's because we share a burden. You are SO right in urging others (and ourselves) to find our joy, our passion. Be healed of this burden and rise triumphant in His perfect peace, love and joy.

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  45. Oh how I enjoyed reading this! What an encouragement. From watching you on tv & following you on Instagram, I just adore you! Thanks for taking the time to share your heart.

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read it! You're a gift!

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  46. Wow, Sierra you really have a way with words. I'm so touched by your posts -- every time. This one, especially. I so appreciate your vulnerability, and I know that you are a blessing to so many people in addition to myself. Keep being true to the person God is creating you to be!

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    1. Aww! Thank you, Alexandra for your kind words!

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  47. As I have always known..my Lord uses circumstances, people, words, blogs, to speak to our souls..and although I haven't shared the same heartache or struggles I have my own. I see and hopefully will be able to put to practice to choose JOY..in all seasons of my life..thank you

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  48. Until I read this blog, I would look at people like you and scoff, "HA, I have a free pass to be a bitter, unsaved, sarcastic jerk. People like Sierra have had an easy life. I am special. I've been through STUFF." Thank you for sharing your story. To know that someone can slide down a dark chute and pop out at the bottom RADIATING like you can, gives me hope. (And by the way, I saw your photos on Instagram before I ever saw you on TLC. On Instagram I figured you were the same age as the Duggar girls. When I saw the wedding specials I figured you were probably older than I originally assumed because of your grace. Especially when you didn't freak out about the open freezer - LOL. In conclusion, YOU DO NOT LOOK OLD!) :-) :-)... Many blessings from this 29-year-old woman (wife, religiously curious but unsure of her salvation, miscarried her first pregnancy, hopeful to be pregnant again, sexual abuse survivor, former terrible person, current person who tries her best, daughter, and sister).

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    1. WOOOOOOOW!!!!

      It sounds like you have an incredible testimony!!! Thank you for your kind words, and shoot me an email, if you feel led. dojosdesigns@yahoo.com

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  49. RE: your new food business (cupcakes in a jar) CONGRATULATIONS

    Can you share with those of us who are etsy wanna-be-sellers?

    Since you are required to collect state and local taxes and remit them to the 39 states that now require online sellers to collect them, how hard is it to keep up with? It seems so time consuming.

    What kind of corporation does one set up (LLC??)so that if someone claims they got sick off of, say the icing in the cupcake being spoiled, we don't want to be held personally liable, be sued and lose everything we have.
    Since it is required by law, if we use cake mixes to put a label on each food item we sell with a list of every single ingredient do we just copy the ingredients from the cake mix, or if we make from scratch do we copy the ingredients from, the flour and every item we use...just in case the basic ingredients have other things in it add whatever is on the labels for the icing ingredients?

    Here in my state they are very lax and we can have cottage businesses and sell food out of our home without having to have the health dept inspect our home and have licenses. However, I have been told it is totally different when we sell outside of the state. I guess it comes under some federal laws. Do you know what they are?

    It says that yours is "Home of the Cupcake in the Jar' but there are over 1000+ posts on Pinterest for them. Did you 'patent' that or register it so you have legal claim to use it? If so, could you share with me how that is done.

    Having a family member in law who has won numerous lawsuits for people who claim to be injured by sellers, let's just say I never "run with my hair on fire" and rush into anything, without doing due diligence.

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  50. Do your cupcakes come packed in dry ice or something since it says to keep refrigerated? Do you send them UPS? I have sent things that were overnight that did NOT get there overnight.

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    1. Thank you for the questions! They're frozen, and sent USPS Priority Flat Rate Shipping!

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  51. Read this on etsy: the Fair Packaging and Labeling Act stipulates that "all food products should be labeled with disclosure of ingredients, quantity and weight of ingredients and labeled with the name and place of the person or business who makes and packages these goods." Be sure to add your ingredients to the listing descriptions in your Etsy shop, and include them on your packaged products as well. Point out whether or not your products contain nuts, dairy or other common allergens, as well as whether or not your products are made in a facility that processes these items. As a general rule of thumb ingredients should be listed by quantity, going from largest amount to smallest amount.

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  52. Sierra, I have chunks of my life missing, too, and battle short term memory problems on a daily basis. It's so frustrating, but understanding that the sexual abuse I survived may contribute to my memory problems will help me be more compassionate with myself. Thank you for sharing your story & for being a wonderful example of self compassion.

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  53. Sierra, thank you for choosing to be so vulnerable. Your writing and your voice is both unique and beautiful. I'm a grad student who struggles with anxiety and depression and last year I decided to do something about it with a "Grateful 366" project on Instagram. And it was a major game-changer. Now that my little project has stopped, I find myself sometimes settling into a "funk" as you put it. Thanks for the reminder to choose joy :) ❤️️

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    1. It's easy when we have accountability! Praying for you, as you journey on!

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  54. You are awesome. Would you consider doing s blog on time management and how u handle your five littles and maybe even living on a budget with many kids? We are about to have three and I want many many!!!! Just wondering bc you all seem to have a great functioning God glorifying household. I want to raise grateful kids that love Jesus (only by His grace)

    Thank you!!!!!

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    1. First, You're Precious! Second, I'll consider doing a blog about that, but Third: We do not have it all figured out, and have failed many, many times! Congratulations on your 3rd baby!

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  55. I am not sure how I ended up on your blog this morning, but your post was something I needed to see at this juncture in my life. I was nearly in tears reading your words and am amazed at the strong woman you are. I hope all things in your life will continue to be blessings.

    Stefani

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  56. Sierra,
    I have to agree with what an above poster said. I always tend to believe that Christians have had a wonderful, easy life and I have an excuse to be bitter and hateful because of the things I've been through. Thank you for sharing, as I am also a survivor of abuse, and now struggle with drug addiction. I am very curious about God, but I don't know how to reach out to Him and stop feeling like I am undeserving of His love. I greatly admire you and hope to someday have the positivity and love for God and life that you have. Please continue sharing your story.
    -AW

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  57. This is a beautiful post. I am in a place right now where I feel like I've lost my joy - even though my life is full of so many things I am blessed with!! I am working hard towards finding my way out of my "funk"! Thank you for sharing your heart with us! JS

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  58. Hi there! Not sure if you sent posted your comment on the right blog, but I hope you have an amazing day!

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  59. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  60. Thank you so much Sierra! I appreciate so much that you wrote about this. I was abused by my grandpa when I was 12 and m brother told my mom because I couldn't. When I was 13 I was abused by a family friend who was over 40. I didn't know what to do. It happened for a year b4 I moved to Arkansas. I told my older cousin and she told the rest of our family. Because of this, we found out that he was doing it to five of my girl cousins at the same time. One was 12 and we think he'd been abusing her since she was 3. We went to court and since I was the only one who would testify, he only received probation and no jail time. I was afraid of being married and if my husband would understand, but God knew exactly what I needed. He gave me more than I could have ever desired. Praise Him! Six kids and 19 years of marriage later on the 25th of this month and I'm so happy! I try to find a reason to find joy everyday, but I do have chunks of time missing also. My faith in our Savior has gotten me thru along with my hubby and precious children. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

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  61. Sierra. Thank you.

    I just stumbled upon this many months after it was posted (originally attracted to your post about the iphones). To be honest, I am a big fan of the duggars and I started following you on instagram a few months ago after I loved watching you on the show. I am so amazed and inspired by your spirit, your positive attitude, and your beautiful family! As a newlywed, I strive to be able to live with as much grace and love as you do! You are a role model to me and someone I look up to and I don't even know you! (I am writing this from my kitchen in Alberta, Canada!)

    Here is the kicker.... I am not religious. I wasn't raised in a church and I have at this point no desire to investigate that path. However I also do not judge. I find those who have a strong faith to be fascinating! And also some of the loveliest people I know. So here is the thing, your blog and your words resignate with me and inspire me with or without the mention of Jesus. The idea of choosing Joy is so exciting and makes me feel so happy- I want to choose joy too. I want to handle life the way you are able to with so much strength and grace. Thank you for being you and for sharing your thoughts wth me. ♥️ - young Mrs R. From Canada

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  62. Your inspiring blog is also reaching in the Netherlands Youre Instagram is an inspiration to me when I want to do something creative with my children or with baking Thank you!

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  63. My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over SEVEN years, We were going to a fertility clinic for years before somebody told me to contact this spell caster who is so powerful called Agbazara Temple for him to help me get pregnant,And I'm glad we contacted DR.AGBAZARA, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his powers really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email at: ( agbazara@gmail.com ) or ( WHATSAPP; +2348104102662 ) if you are trying to get a baby, he has powers to do it.

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  64. Love this! You have such a way with words!!!! I am a sexual abuse/assault victim myself so I fully understand! Thank you for bravely sharing your story and for challenging, championing and encouraging us so well! ��

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  65. I am in my 40's and struggle everyday with my memories of my childhood. I know there were good times but I can't unlock those memories. The earliest I can remember is 16. For your Mom to take care of you as a Mother should after you told her is a blessing. As I can't say the same after my sexual abuse from a stepfather.I was called a lier and am now the black sheep of my family ever since I had the courage to tell my mother of the abuse that had lasted for years. The sad thing he was a teacher in Arkansas and had other victims and was caught finally and charged in 2005. My Mom finally divorced and left after neighbors found out and she was the chief of police secretary. She only left because she was embarrassed and lost friends. BUT I am still an outcast. Even though I try to be part of the family. Your quote brought peace to me. A quote I am going to copy down. Thank you for your honesty. I live in the Kansas City area
    And am married with children I am praying I can find the peace and Joy you have. I am saved and believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I am struggling at the moment with feeling alone. Your Instagram makes me smile and feel like I can put 1 foot forward on days. Thank you.

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  66. I thank you so much Dr ogbidi for your herbal product,I bought this herbal supplement after 5 years of trying to conceive surprisingly i got pregnant after using it for just 1 month and 3 weeks.I do believe that your unique Herbal supplement are nothing short of revolutionary as it helped us to have our baby boy, Your herbal product gave me a whole different perspective on infertility even for a bitter skeptic woman who have be trying to conceive for 5 years with your product she still conceive naturally. Thank you, Dr Ogbidi for your help and guide through out the process,for more info or help contact via: via:ogbidihomeofsolution1@gmail.com whatsaap +2348052523829

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  67. I can't stop thanking Dr Ekpen for helping me to get my ex back, with Dr Ekpen spell you can get your ex back no matter how long the separation as been. Contact Dr Ekpen today on (ekpentemple@gmail.com) to help you get your ex back.

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  68. Sincerely i was so crushed when my Husband of 8 years left me and moved to Texas to be with another woman. The pains was just too much for me to bear that I couldn't just bear it anymore. So i had to reached out to the Internet for help until i found out that DR ZUMA was the real deal. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back in having a happy, Lovely and a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work for me, which you have guaranteed me positive result in 4 DAYS, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was remorseful for the whole lot he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. DR ZUMA you did a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you DR ZUMA You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and MY HUSBAND. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immeasurably happy now.. now my man is back to me just in 3 DAYS, as you have said it..wow.. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is DR ZUMA Email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com. WhatsApp him +15068001647

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  69. Hi My name is Rebecca.i just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 7 years with 4 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster Dr Zuma, who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 24hours he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can contact him on spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com whatsapp +15068001647

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